ch. 281 night under T3

i feel so pressured. 

I thought i've overcame the stress but seems everythign is starting now. 

V's death was shocking and i really thank her for what she has done for my dad. i truly appreciate. 

have been spending so much time with dad the past 7 days and it is not easy. i haven't spend time with him for so long, so frequent for ages. it hit me when i figured i missed out so much of his life after he got married.  yes, this is life. and it would be awkward for me to join the activities. I actually wouldnt' go. but it really hit me harsh that i actually didn't know what my dad did, not after i saw those pictures than i realised he is a stranger to me.  that hit me harsh. 

shd i move in with dad? is that what God wanted me to do? pls show me what your plan. You have already been very outspoken to me during the past 7 days and pls continue to do so as i m not smart and i really need more direction from you, lord. 

my feelings toward HW is still strong, yup, after 5 months.  i really appreciate his kindness towards me and he is a very gd friend.  and yes, the location is a problem. we won't work due to the distance. it can't work. so lord, pls help me to forget about him if we won't work out. 

lord. u continue to show me your faithfulness and i shd have my trust in you. i thank u for things you have prepared for me and please guard my mind n heart and give me peace to go through all these. 

lord i need you.  

i m serious about leaving hk tmmr.  but there might be T8. is this the way for u to stop me to do crazy things? 

ch. 280 Be Joyful, Prayerful, Thankful

Have be living on this earth for awhile now, I am thankful every morning that I can still open my eyes and breath the fresh air and start my new journey. I do. 

Have been experiencing quite a few things in life as well but when i look back, everything was well planned. It's great about aging, so i can look back and see what God's plan was/ is for me when I am struggling in my current situations. 

Failure. broken heart. death of family. sickness. surgery. cheated on. relocated. God is treating me not bad, i gotta experience life. 

My current state is that my partner is quitting on me and I am on my own. met a guy who is living far far away and not sure what is going to happen. feeling a bit lost but this time is different.  my faith is strengthened from the past. my acceptance to the ups and downs in life has widened. 

I am learning to do the following and i would like to live my remaining life in these ways as well:
1. Be Joyful always
2. Pray continuously
3. Be Thankful in all circumstances
4. Do what pleases God.
5. Pray for what pleases God, not what pleases myself.
6. Guard my heart and mind as this is where action flows from.
7. Have faith in God.
8. Care for others.
9. Build stronger relationship with God by studying the Word persistently.
10. Don't give up.

Life is short, gotta learn how to live that pleases the creator. 

ch. 279 Training of my heart

I am a person without patience when it comes to love relationship.  I tend to fall for someone very easily and quickly. 

From my experience, this is not a good quality that I want to obtain cause I always got burnt at the end. 

I always can't guard my heart like what God has told me to. 

I am training my heart to take it slow now.  My feeling is still strong yet I am learning to take it slow. If this guy is who pleases God and if we r together, we make a strong team to glorify God, I'll be patience and wait upon God. 

It is not an easy task for me  but God does take care of me by sending angels around me to remind me to guard my heart. 

I will continue to pray for God's guidance and for my future partner whom God let to cuts in to dance with me. 

ch. 278 Dance with God

"Dance with God and He will let the perfect man cut it." 

God's timing is amazing.  As I was gearing up to live a happy and simple life on my own, someone showed up.

I am not sure if he is the one that pleases God but he is one that I can communicate like we are one.  Not exaggerating, but it's like he reads my mind n i read his. 

Jan's check list:
hobbies: hiking, traveling, running, love of food, explore new places - Checked
value: christian, personal relationship with God, worship team, compassion to others - Checked
Height: taller than me - checked (haha)
Food: Korean, Shanghainese, Italian - checked
Wine: pinot gris, riesling - checked
Personality: Fun, adventurous, leader - checked

Other than the above, of course we have lots of things that are not "checked" but noone is perfect. I am impressed with what are 'checked' already. 

We've know each other for 4 days n spent 3 days together. Sure sounds like a holiday infatuation to me but I would like to see if our "meet up" was what pleases God and if so, will there be a future to it.  

He is gorgeous. I hardly describe a man as gorgeous but his internal beauty, just gorgeous.  

I will continue to pray and see how God leads. 

one thing tho.. he is not anywhere close... that's a big problem... but if God gives green light, i m totally gonna be adventurous about it.