ch.122 5am

talked til 5am that day...
was it wrong?
it was sad.
gotta keep praying for u.
gotta keep praying for u.

ch. 121 FFSH

FFSH stands for Fuck Face Shit Head.

by the double J with inspriation from L & the 2 FFSH.

ch.120 gzzzz...

been there for 3 days & 2 nites for the exhibition.

finally.. a wknd at gz..... but it was too late. was i supposed to be there with you.. was i supposed to take more days off for u... it wasn't that great a feeling when i was there.... being there... made methink about u. i know this is not good. not good at all.. n i've been telling myself u r not worth it... n u r not what i want.. n u r not mine anymore... u dun care anymore.. why shd i care.

why is it so tough lord? why having me to go thru this? when i thought i m ok.. this sudden memory just popped up in my mind and drained me back into the endless black hole of pain and emptiness.. as if i just got shot again.. on the same wound just got healed.. the blood kept swamming out... little by little.. drop by drop... just to keep the wound unhealed.. n the heavy feeling within me.. stayed within me... laughter is jsut to hide my deep down sadness.. as i needed that to keep myself lifted up.

pls let me go through this faster Lord.... it's not good..

ch. 119 thankful

thankful for all these..
1. friends to share my feelings with and who are willing to do it vice versa, share feelings with me.
2. jovi, samuel, wil, tai, how, eddie, kau gor, sum, rocky, benny and ar gor. i thank God for all these gd friends.
3. azura, jen, wendy, mir, agnes, janfong, charron, pauline, fyn, karen... amazing girl friends.

talked to rocky and he reminded me of spiritual achievement. what a good reminder. what is my achievement when i turn into 30s and 40s? spritutally, i m so young. mentally,i m still young. but i am gonna do it step by stpe.. and pray to God to help me grow.

thankful for my boss as well, amazing to have him as a boss. can acatully talk about anything and get wise advices.

pray for tommy and his family, for them to let God enters their hearts.

great is thy faithfulness.

ch.118 new things

1. backpacking to yunnan. visiting the 2 places that i've always wanted to go since i was in canada: lijiang and shangrila. CAN"T WAIT!!
2. managing the crazy mofo in gz.... i'd have to say, it's quite challenging... but i can do it.
3. discovering beaches in hk... too bad the air is polluted... but chilling and being lazy under the sun with sea breeze is very good.
4. talking to people whom i don't usually talk to... a whole day world to discover.
5. wanting to get a cat (!!).. yes, a cat... short hair one perferabbly.. coz dun need to clean up too much hair.
6. going for business trip (!!) .. finally.. got business trip to go.. first gz, then sh. shd be fun. it's gd that i can meet more ppl and work with the professional designers in town (man, sandy is so damn hot eventho he's old .. sandy is a man.)
7. having my own cubicle at work... this is gd and bad. it's like a promotion.. but it's also like.. buidling up an invisible wall between ppl whom i eat lunch with..
8. having an assistant (a tall & young kid.. who used to be a air hostess!!) ... all i could say is.. i hope he knows what he's doing and pls make him smarter than me so that i can just get him to do all things for me. haha
9. living on my own... it's good. i like it... very free.. can run around naked. haha..
10. o, getting facial hair off in a very traditional chinese way... quite an interesting experience.. but it costed me so damn much!
11. lookin for quality life style in little things.. i like to add freshly squeezed lemon juice to my water... getting bailey on the rock sometimes...
12. picking up swimming... which is good. i really thank my dad for teaching me when i was young.
13. going to islands for food... ya... won't do it too often tho..
14. speaking more mandarin at work... and apparently ppl DO understand.
15. talking in a softer tone and trying to convince ppl in ways that they can't resist... which is an art i think.. n i m working on it ... n sometmes it works.. sometimes, i gotta yell, still. haha
16. reading the Bible and other books... yes.. been readding whenever i got time when i m on the transportation, which is a very very good habit i figured.... i'm on my 3rd bk now.
17. helping my bro for his wedding... i do cherrish my relationship with my bro.. it's pricelss.. just like american express. lol
18. multi-tasking x 10 times... i m a OA, PA, AE, Des, CW, Sec, lunch buddy... etc.
19. being a wedding banquet MC..... can't wait to meet up wiht my partner.. whom wil said he's so hot. haha
20. breaking up.................... and living and not trashing myself. i thank God for that.

ch.117 gd times with the gals

had a gals gathering with the IFC gals tonite.. it wasn't that bad. haha. didn't have much to talk about in the beginning but after initiating topics, things got heated up and it went pretty well. ppl r juiced up with pauline's wedding preparation. and i finally officially announced the breakup. it wasn't that easy but it's ok. still shaked abit but i m good at controlling my emo. haha.
pray to God we could continue to develop our friendship and bond in Christ.

i gotta keep praying for lorace, hai, chang's family and ppl at work and remind myself that God's in control.

ch.116 at times..

at times.. like now.. i think about what happened.
i shdn't even think why and how it happened because it happened already.

it's gd to know the real side of this fucking guy.
it's gd not to married to him.
it's gd that i know now.

but it takes time for me to heal, i know.. just pray to God that i could be healed sooner.. coz my heart is really broken into millions of pieces... millions and millions... to the endless..

working is a good excuse for me to be busy. swimming is good too.. just wish that i could have more time to do that..

ai.. it's only 2.5 yrs of my 27 yrs... why spent so much time grieving.. shd really pick myself up!

i miss my old days at tor.